Announcing the starting lineup:
Dad: The Psychic Swearing Superfan
In addition to knowing the minutiae of every rule in every sport, Dad possesses the uncanny knack of predicting exactly what is going to happen in each play. Before the ball is even snapped, he can call an interception, a fumble, or a play-action fake. This skill is countered only by his inability to hold back expletives in the presence of children. Final Superbowl tally: accurate predictions 6, swear words 4. Good thing the Seahawks won, or his stats would've been much, much worse.For the big game, Dad sported a double crochet beanie based off this pattern.
See the making of Mom's hat here.
Ata: The Pregnant Superfan
He got his own little hat, too. Gotta train them up early.
Ata didn't let her bun-in-the-oven status keep her from busting a move during the half-time dance party, nor did it keep her from walking 3 miles and standing 4 hours in 20 degree weather to watch the Seahawks parade three days later. Now that's one tough cookie. Pass the woman some chips, please.
Ata & Nathan's baby: The Superfan-to-be
Since Becky has enough gear to put a team store to shame, she required something a little different for gameday and sported a newsboy-style hat in Seahawks blue and green.
Her job as a Nike engineer wins her insider knowledge of the players' gear, but her true strength lies in her knowledge of players' lives off the field, especially those traits that endear them to sentimental folk like us. Because we don't cheer for mean people. Jenny fills us in on details crucial to our enjoyment of the game, such as who collects teddy bears and who establishes a foundation to rescue sick kitties in developing nations.
Like Becky, she donned a newsboy-style hat to cheer on the Hawks.
If these superfans were to have a superpower, it would be their ability to keep my family cheerful in any sporting circumstance. That's no easy feat considering how the rest of us are all terrible losers. In fact, Jeff once made us sign a "sportsmanship agreement" before he would play board games with us.
In lieu of a superhero cape, I crocheted like a crazy person to finish Rob's hat during the Superbowl, leading to more than one remark: "Sew, very old one. Sew like the wind!" (Mega bonus points for recognizing that movie reference)
Anna: The Sensitive Superfan
The first time I watched a football game with Anna, I kept scaring her with my yelling, so I had to come up with new ways to, how shall we say, express disappointment when the opponents make a good play. Apparently I didn't tone it down quite enough, when on the day after the 49ers game, Anna looked up with a troubled expression from her smiley-face pancake and asked, "Mama, why didn't you want that guy to be happy?" Confused, I asked her what she meant. She explained, "You know, when you said you wanted to wipe that smile off his (Kaepernick's) face?"
Tess: The Fashionista Superfan
Regarding all of our hats: "They would be nicer with a pom pom."
Miri: The Hungry Superfan
Enough said.
This is SO SO funny! I laughed at everyone's descriptions -- hilarious because they're true. Also, apologies to Jeff for all the times I reneged on the sportsmanship contract...
ReplyDelete